SYZYGY MISSIONS SUPPORT NETWORK

The young woman who said this to me wasn’t talking about dieting.  She was talking about being a mission worker.  And some of us know only too well what she means.

We were exploring together the possibility that God was calling her to serve him abroad, and during the conversation, the issue of finance arose.  She was willing to save up to pay her way, but was hugely reluctant to ask friends to support her.  ‘I don’t want to feel guilty every time I have an ice cream,’ she said.  She clearly felt that by taking other people’s hard-earned money to support her in mission, she had an obligation to use every penny of it on her vocation.

Such a burden of accountability, coupled with a consequently spartan lifestyle utterly devoid of treats, is a recipe for increased levels of stress and may possibly lead to burnout.  Yet so many of us, albeit subconsciously, have attitudes that demonstrate our tacit agreement with this woman.  Is it really wrong to eat ice cream bought with your support gifts?

No, it isn’t.  The people who support us expect to have small treats like ice cream, going out for coffee, or going to the cinema, as part of their normal lives, and they would be genuinely surprised if we didn’t do the same given the opportunity.  They go on holiday, and won’t begrudge us to do so too.  And we need to give ourselves these occasional treats to help us unwind and cope with the demanding life we have been called to.  In fact failure to treat ourselves would even be irresponsible if it results in us becoming unable to work efficiently, or having to take extended sick leave in order to recover.

But this is not just about the money.  It’s about a misplaced sense of accountability.  There’s nothing wrong with accountability: it focuses our activities if we have to report back to our senders on our use of time, finance and resources and the outcomes from them.  But to feel that we have to account scrupulously for every penny is coming uncomfortably close to having to fill in forms detailing how many people have given their lives to Jesus in the last month – it reveals a legalistic mindset that is overly concerned about results.

Jesus did not call us to that.  In fact, if his treatment of the dispute between Mary and Martha is anything to go by, Jesus want us to take time out rather than run around being busy and stressed.

So go ahead and treat yourself to an ice cream!

We have mentioned a few times on this website the need for regular retreat to help manage stress. Some may wonder exactly what this means, or are a bit daunted by the prospect of five days of complete silence in a monastery.

If that’s you, then Penhurst Retreat Centre is an excellent place for you to have a retreat. One of the most charming things about Penhurst is that it doesn’t feel like a conference centre. It’s a home, in a 17th century manor house, which is tastefully furnished just like it was when it was lived in by a family. An ideal start to feeling, well, at home in a new environment.

It is situated accessibly near main roads in East Sussex, but far enough away not to hear them, and indeed it’s so rural that it’s hard to hear anything at all apart from the sounds of nature and agriculture. With lovely gardens and an orchard which is being developed into a prayer garden, it makes a very restful and relaxing place. There is also opportunity for some country walks and access to the famous Ashburnham estates nearby. One satisfied customer, Alex, commented “”My stay here was just what I needed – perfect for me! This place inspires prayer, with its sense of God’s peace and presence. It’s an easy place to listen to God, a place of blessing.”

Penhurst is also intimately small. Unlike some places where there are dozens of people so it’s hard to find a place to be alone for prayer other than in your room, Penhurst takes fewer people, so you can always find somewhere to get away, whether it’s in one of the two chapels, the lounge, the library or the church just across the garden.

If you don’t like the thought of being on your own, there is a full programme of led retreats and workshops, many aimed specifically at mission workers. In fact, there is a distinctly missional theme to the place, with its many historic connections to global mission, and each room is dedicated to a famous missionary, with photos and books in the room to inspire you.

There are friendly helpful staff who lead prayer twice a day (optional) and are available for discussion and advice whenever you want it, and the food is excellent. The cottage pie even rivalled my mum’s!

For more information visit Penhurst’s own website

Recently I seem to have been talking a lot about secondary stress with mission workers.  It’s a common though relatively unrecognised problem among overseas workers, particularly those working in compassion ministries or among poorer communities.  Secondary stress is the burden we take on not as a result of our own working or living conditions, but those of others.  It’s not excess baggage so much as other people’s baggage.  It’s what we pick up when we try to lighten the load on others who are already weighed down.

It is perfectly natural to feel a degree of anguish when working, for example, in a refugee camp, or when counselling others who have problems.  We would be pretty heartless if we were not affected by the tragedies we witness or the grief we hear about.  Our resulting compassion should spur us to more action to help the afflicted.  But when we can’t sleep at night because of it, or have images we can’t get out of our heads, it is becoming hazardous to us, and even in the midst of a major humanitarian crisis we need to take some steps to ensure that we maintain ourselves in a condition to be able to continue to help those who need our help.

The first step in dealing with secondary stress is to recognise that we may be suffering with it, because we often don’t notice.  It creeps up on us, daily growing, until something goes wrong.  Because I’m involved in debriefing a lot of people, often with major problems, last summer I arranged a debrief for myself, not because I thought I needed it, but because it is good practice.  Only after I emerged emotionally exhausted from the debrief did I realise how much other people’s baggage I was carrying.

One excellent tool for doing an inventory on yourself is Dr Beth Stamm’s Professional Quality of Life Measure, which can be downloaded free of charge from the Headington Institute.  It is simple to use, and asks just 30 questions about your work in helping others.  There are also other useful self-assessment tools on stress, burnout and lifestyle inventory available from the same website.

Once you have recognised that your levels of secondary stress are unacceptable, put into action your usual anti-stress techniques – debrief, holidays, or relaxation.  See our stress archive for more suggestions.  If none of these suggestions work, and you are still showing symptoms of elevated stress levels, you should take medical leave of absence, extended rest and seek counselling or even the help of a professional psychotherapist.

If when you return to work things immediately get worse again, you should be reassigned.  This of course, will add to your stress as you will feel guilty that you have let needy people down, but if you are not sufficiently resilient to cope in this situation, you may end up being a needy person yourself, and it is better for you to move on and to let a more resilient person take over.

If you’d like to learn more about secondary stress I recommend you listen to MemCare by Radio’s 4-part broadcast by Dr Brent Lindquist, who in addition to being excellently named really knows his stuff.  Each episode is packed with helpful information and the whole series will take you less than an hour to listen to, but much longer to work through!  There are also a lot of other good materials on the MemCare website which will help you to stay healthy.

A friend commented recently that I use the word ‘unpacking’ a lot.  It’s true: as a traveller I find myself unpacking frequently, and being of an orderly disposition I don’t really feel settled in until the case is unpacked  and everything’s neatly packed away.  You know I’m really tired if I get home late but leave the bags unpacked on the floor till the morning.

But it’s not this sort of unpacking that she was talking about.  It’s when unpacking is a metaphor for reflection on an experience, an emotion, or event.  You could equally call it processing, but I think that sounds a bit too, well, process-oriented.

In my experience mission workers do far too little unpacking.  We carry a lot of clutter around with us, and often pay a price for taking our ‘excess baggage’ with us.  It can be very unhealthy to take with us everywhere we go our crates of past disappointments, frustrations and hurts.  Spiritually and emotionally, it’s good to travel light.  So how do we get rid of our excess baggage?

Unpacking is the activity of reviewing what has happened to us, reflecting on it, learning the lessons, and moving on.  We are most accustomed to doing this when we have a debrief.  We look back at our last term of service and review what went well, or badly, and how we grew as a result.  Truthfully recognising our role in the events, and how we reacted to them, helps us.  It can bring emotions to the surface which, once acknowledged, can be dealt with.

People who follow Ignatian spirituality do this practice regularly, in many cases at least once a day.  They call it the Examen.  It’s a very healthy procedure which involves analysing how we feel, particularly if a strong emotion has surfaced.  We can do it periodically, often in the aftermath of a challenging event or incident.  Asking ourselves such questions as Why was I so angry?  What was I afraid of? or What made me feel so happy? will help us learn about our emotions and understand our responses.  By examining our choices and our reactions, we create a place in which we can forgive those who have wronged us, and repent of the wrongs we have done.

Sometimes when emotions rise up it’s because  we feel vulnerable (even if it’s only subconsciously) It has been compared to  sitting on top of a wobbling pole, so we try to re-establish security by placing big rocks around the base of the pole to stop it wobbling.  These rocks represent potentially compulsive behaviours like shopping, drink or drugs, being a star employee, excelling as a parent/partner/child, eating, or having sex.

These activities, while not necessarily wrong in themselves, help to bolster our short-term feelings of self-esteem, so when we’re tempted to indulge in one or more of them to excess, it is helpful to ask why.  It may be that some recent experience has undermined our self-esteem so that we need to take steps to feel good about ourselves.  The problem is that none of these activities actually delivers long-term good self-esteem, so we have to keep on doing them to feel good.  Only a full appreciation of our relationship with God in Christ can set us free from this cycle of compulsive self-destruction.

Sometimes we experience emotional instability because we are carrying too much excess baggage.  It’s rather like having a case which won’t shut without us sitting on it, so the stuff inside keeps spilling out at inopportune moments.  This is what happens when our emotions burst unhelpfully into daily life.

The solution is to open the case and get everything out.  Take a good look at each individual item (memory, emotion, experience) and decide whether you really need to keep it.  If not, throw it out.  If you do need to keep it, fold it up neatly and put it back in the case, which will now shut properly.

Orderly unpacking will help us travel lighter.

(with respectful acknowledgements to the AA)

Earlier this year I was at a conference where the speaker tried an icebreaker.  ‘If your organisation were an animal’, he asked, ‘what would sort of animal would it be?’ Everyone around my table was studiously avoiding eye contact, trying hard not to go first.  I was muttering to myself ‘I hate things like this.  I’m just not creative enough for this’ when he asked his second icebreaker: ‘If your organisation were a car, what sort of car would it be?’

And it instantly hit me – Syzygy is an AA van*.  We help broken down mission workers.  We fix the problem.  We get you where you’re going.  And though you might only see one person when you deal with Syzygy, there’s a whole team of experts behind him.

Within a matter of minutes I had refined this image further, to detail the types of services we provide:

Roadside assistance: We’re there for you when you break down.  Advice on stress, debriefing, mentoring and hospitality can help get you back on the road.

Relay: Wherever you’re going, we’ll help get you there!  We provide practical  support, from lending you a car to advice on preparing for re-entry, with online guides to missions on our website.

Homestart: When things start going wrong in the field, we can help by providing pastoral visits, problem solving, crisis management and relief staffing.

As a result of that revelation, we are changing our image.  We think that this imagery fully encapsulates our ethos of help, support and practical problem solving.  In future we’ll be using a photo of a flashing orange light as our logo, and we’ve adopted a new tagline:

THE SUPPORT SERVICE FOR MISSION WORKERS

I did think that ‘rescue service’ or ‘emergency service’ sounded more punchy, but on reflection we decided that this doesn’t accurately reflect the fact that much of what we do is not done in a crisis, but is about preventing a crisis happening.

A new image, but the same service – striving to keep mission workers in good physical, emotional and spiritual condition so that they are able to at carrying out their God-given mandate.  Our new flyer is out this week.  Click on the image to the left to read it.  If you’d like some copies to display at church or in your workplace, please email tim@syzygy.org.uk

*Other breakdown services are available.  Actually I should have chosen RAC because at least they’re orange like Syzygy.

Teamwork is something we all think we know about, but most of us work as part of teams which do not operate at peak capacity, or are at worst completely dysfunctional.  I’ve been part of them myself, so I know.  So how do we get to a place where we are happy with our team, get along with our colleagues, manage change effectively and cope well with the unexpected?

One way is to recognise that we have differences.  Not superficial ones like whether we prefer tea or coffee, or follow United or City, but fundamental ones like whether we can see the big picture or spot the tiny mistakes.  Failure to appreciate these significant differences can lead to serious misunderstandings between us that can hamper our ability to function effectively as a team.

These problems can be exacerbated by cross-cultural  issues.  I will say more about this on another occasion but it is always helpful to remember that others in our team may have fundamentally different  understandings of how we relate together, what we’re doing, and even how the common language we use works.

There are also simple personality differences which mean there are people we naturally relate to well and others we don’t hit it off with.  This is not necessarily a failure.  Someone once calculated that in any random group of 12 people there will be at least one whom you don’t like.  Liking is not the issue, but if we’re in the same team together we have to make it work.

In his excellent book Global Member Care: the Pearls and Perils of Good Practice (2011, William Carey Library, Pasadena CA, ISBN 978-0-87808-113-4) Dr Kelly O’Donnell points out that people in your team will fall into one of four groups: kindred spirit, collegial, enigmatic and irritating.  These are people you love to be with, and spend time out of work with, people you get along with ok, people you tend to avoid because you don’t really understand them, and the ones you really wish God would move somewhere else!

The first two groups are not an issue because you can work with them well.  The third you will have a tendency to misunderstand and the fourth you can frequently fall out with.  These last two groups are the ones that require most effort and emotional energy to deal with, but if we persist, can lead to fruitful working relationships even though we may never become friends.  The annoying people are probably sent by God to be the grain of sand which produces the pearl!

It is important to stress that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with finding a person annoying.  That may simply be a character clash, but it will be helpful to ponder whether contact with that person exposes a personality issue in you which needs to be worked on.  I have found in the past that persevering in developing a relationship with an annoying colleague has helped me to appreciate other less obvious qualities and has led to lasting friendship.

There is an American Indian proverb which says ‘Never judge a man till you have walked a mile in his moccasins.’ In order words, rather than complaining because people at work are difficult to get on with, try to understand why they are difficult.  Realising that there may be a reason why a colleague is hard to get along with may be the first step in learning to get along with him.

This ability to transcend personal dislikes for the sake of the team is what distinguishes excellence from mediocrity.  The United players may not actually like each other or their manager, but their teamwork is excellent.

Early autumn can be a beautiful time in England.  It’s often warm, and the golden sunshine lights the reds, russets and browns of turning leaves.  Fruit ripens, seedheads pop and dewdrops diamond the spiders’ webs.  In a tradition going back millennia before the start of their own religion, Christians take some of the harvest into their places of worship to honour the God who gives them food.  Yet in the midst of the rejoicing, there is hard work organising sheafs of wheat, displays of elaborately plaited bread, and vases of chrysanthemums.  One lady commented cheerfully to me, ‘I’m glad we only have to do this once a year!’

The feast of Passover is in essence a similar event.  Although six months removed from the English harvest, Passover is a celebration of the barley harvest as well as of the Exodus.  Joyful pilgrims went up to Jerusalem from all over ancient Israel to celebrate together.  The third day after Passover is called the Feast of  First Fruits, when they took their tithe of barley to the temple.  One Sunday nearly two thousand years ago, such a band centred on a rabbi from Nazareth.  With his twelve lieutenants, assorted women who funded his work, and possibly dozens of hangers on, he would have found difficulty staying in the crowded city, so they all stayed at the home of some friends in Bethany.

Martha and Mary remind me of Marilla and Anne in the book Anne of Green Gables. I can imagine Martha fussed with the responsibility of catering for so many: ‘Well, Anne, we’ll need to wash all the best crockery, and get some of my pickles out of the larder, and for goodness’ sake let’s have none of your daydreaming today!’

‘Oh but Marilla, isn’t is SO exciting that Jesus is coming to our home!  I’m so happy that I could die perfectly contented even if the rest of my life were misery and squalor.’

It’s not surprising that Martha got stressed with the catering.  It would be a massive task hosting such a crowd.  Yet Jesus, who presumably ate the supper she cooked, said that Mary, distracted from her responsibilities by the joy of being with Jesus, had made the better choice.  It seems that Jesus is not looking for servants – he already has plenty of those.  Jesus is looking for kindred spirits.

Many of us active in ministry are so busy with the work we do for God, that we often don’t have the time to sit down and be with him.  We run around Marthaing away, and seldom sit and Mary.  In order to combat the stress and busyness in our lives, we need to make time listen to what Jesus has to say to us.  One friend of mine has it in his job description to spend one whole morning in prayer each week.  We may think that’s a luxury we cannot afford with so much responsibility to carry, but if we asked Jesus whether he’d prefer us to be busy, what do you think he would answer?

It’s a while since we last talked about stress, but it hasn’t gone away.  So far in this series, we’ve looked at recognising our response to stress, and using some simple management tools to analyse our selves so we can identify our optimum working conditions.

This week I’d like to examine what is one of the principal causes of stress from mission workers – overwork!  There are others and we’ll be looking at these in future blogs, but this is one of the most immediate and one of the most critical.  I lost five years of my working life due to stress-related illness brought on primarily by overwork, and I’d like to think I’ve learned some of the lessons!

Overwork is commonplace in Christian missions.  It seems that there are never enough workers to meet the needs, and we all end up doubling up, taking on more responsibility, and working long hours.  Most of us also have to work on Sundays, so we seldom get a full weekend break.  These factors all add to our stress levels, and when compounded by the effects of colleagues being on Home Assignment or off sick due to stress, add up to a working environment which is often critically short-staffed and places the surviving workers under often health-endangering levels of stress.

The solution to this situation is for management to either engage more staff or take on fewer responsibilities.  Focussing on the core ministry of the organisation may help eliminate superfluous activities, and reducing dependence on ex-pat workers could ease staff shortages.  While these are organisational issues which it may be above our pay grade to resolve, we can however manage ourselves and our own situations better, and one solution can be to say no.  This is a skill few Christians have.

(with acknowledgements to Rob Cottingham)

The reason for this is partly the protestant work ethic.  We seem driven to pay off the debt we have incurred by accepting the ‘free’ gift of salvation.  We believe in ‘laying down our lives’ and expect to suffer from overwork without complaining about it.  We’re just following in the footsteps of our predecessors (a predecessor, interestingly enough, is someone who has pre-deceased you!).  While it is true that Christians are called to make sacrifices, as Kelly O’Donnell writes in Global Member Care, we should try ‘to balance the realistic demands of suffering and sacrifice with the realistic needs for support and nurture in our lives.’ Failure to take care of our legitimate needs does not allow us to maintain ourselves in peak mental and physical condition, and paradoxically means we are less able to carry our workload.  Surely our prime responsibility should be to keep ourselves in a condition to be able to carry out our other responsibilities!

The other principal reason behind so many people taking on too much work, is that they suffer from low self-esteem, though most would deny it until confronted with the evidence.   Many people find it hard to say no because they want people to like or value them, and when they deliver results, they are affirmed.  How often does your manager affirm you for what you have achieved rather than who you have become?  So we work harder, in order to achieve better results and reap more plaudits so that we can feel good about ourselves.  Yet when we have worked so hard that our deteriorating health forces us to stop, we can’t carry on earning plaudits and so cycle down into depression.

If any of the above rings bells with you, stop work for a while (yes, you can!) and consider the following questions:

• Do I regularly work more than 50 hours a week?
• Do I regularly work weekends without a day off in lieu?
• Am I carrying the responsibilities of more than one person on a regular basis?
• Am I trying to prove something through my work?  What?  To whom?
• Do I feel guilty when I’m not working?
• Am I unable to finish work ‘early’ occasionally just because I want to?

If the answer to any of those questions was ‘yes’, have a think about how you can say ‘no’ in future!

My host for my week-long trip to Ndola was my good friend Lene Pedersen, who many will know following her speaking tour in Britain last year, and it was great to spend time with her, get to know her fiancé Dale, and help them prepare for their wedding next month.  Lene continues to be one of the three directors at Lifeline in Zambia – a ministry which we featured last August which provides home-based care and support for people suffering from AIDS/HIV.  LiZ continues to develop and it was an encouragement to visit premises which I had not been to before and see how well suited they are to managing the work and training the volunteers.  There is also a commitment to take on more highly qualified staff which is already having benefits for the work.

I returned for the first time in seven years to Kaniki Bible College, which trains church leaders for the Apostolic Church in Zambia.  There has been a lot of staff turnover since then, and only the Zambian workers whom I knew remain there.  All the overseas staff have changed, and the college is led by a new Zambian Principal supported by two other African faculty members.  There are currently 55 students and there is also a new BA course.  There are plans to build a new classroom block to meet the increased number of students.

Also on the Kaniki campus is African Quest, a missions training and discipleship programme for young people with which I have been involved since its beginning 15 years ago.  Many fine young people have been through this programme and gone on to be involved in missions in a variety of ways, and AQ is currently led by two of its former students, Tim & Gemma Mills.  This six month gap course is currently recruiting for next year and I will feature it in more detail later this summer.

I also spent some time with the new leaders of School Mission for Christ International This fantastic ministry employs Zambian pastors to go into schools and preach the gospel.  Thousands of students have met Jesus in this way, and teachers testify to the return of stolen property, decline in the use of drugs, and falling pregnancy rates as a result.  This powerful witness leads many teachers also to give their lives to Christ.  SMFCI is looking to expand both within Zambia and to neighbouring countries.

Near to Kaniki is Jabulani Children’s Village, where Tom & Ruth Dufke took over an abandoned farm 13 years ago with a view to developing a home for needy children.  There are currently 18 children living at the site, in small, ‘family’-type cottages.  With a view to maintaining financial independence, the village is partly funded by a huge sawmill operation, which now employs 65 local people, thereby keeping them out of poverty and providing food and education for their children.  There are also training facilities for the community on site, such as a sewing college, and there is a clinic to meet the needs of the local community.

While visiting these various ministries and catching up with old friends, I was able to spend a lot of time encouraging mission workers, helping them understand the causes of stress in their lives, and planning how Syzygy can help to support them.  Like many overseas mission workers, they have a number of challenges to face, and it was a joy to be able to help them find ways of dealing with them.

One of the best ways of managing stress, is to know yourself.  Understanding what works well for you, how you like to do things, how you respond to varying situations, will help you recognise potentially stressful situations and develop plans for managing it, and your own response to it.

There are innumerable tools, models and theories out there vying for your attention, and it can be hard to know what is going to work, and what isn’t.  The simplest is good old-fashioned common sense, which someone once observed, is clearly not common at all.  Though it should be relatively easy to work out whether you’re a morning person or not, and to plan your work pattern accordingly.  It’s also easy to work out whether music playing in the background distracts or invigorates you, or whether for you office banter makes the atmosphere congenial or chaotic.  Armed with this knowledge, you can plan your work area accordingly, and discuss with your colleagues how to make things work well for all of you.

But there are deeper issues which can lead you to feel frustrated with your work or your colleagues, and which if unresolved can lead to significant problems resulting from stress.  These are personality issues which affect who people are and the way in which they approach life: why does that person never get his paperwork done?  Why can’t she finish the job properly before starting another one?  Why is he so bureaucratic?  There are many reasons for the way people are – culture, upbringing, nationality and gender are some of the typical ones – and until we understand that the way people are is unique and often very different to us, we aren’t fully equipped to make appropriate allowances for the differences.  Which is where self-analysis tools are useful.

My personal favourite is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which helped me to understand not only why I like to do things in a certain way, but why others can misunderstand my actions and motivation.  It relieved an awful lot of pressure!  I think MBTI should be compulsory for all new mission workers, and many sending and training organisations provide it as part of their preparation or ongoing team development.  You can find out more at http://www.myersbriggs.org.  Some people criticise it because people can easily us it to label others, but that’s the fault of the labellers, not the tool.  This tool needs to be used by a qualified trainer, and there are many in the UK and abroad who provide this service.  Please contact Syzygy for further information.

Another popular tool is Strengthfinder, which works on the deceptively obvious premise that rather than working to strengthen our weaknesses, we should concentrating on doing what we’re naturally best at.  It will help you focus on what your principal skills are so that you can reorganise your commitments around them.  This tool can be used by yourself, working through a book, but can also be used together with an experienced counsellor.  See http://strengths.gallup.com/110440/About-StrengthsFinder-2.aspx for further information.

The Belbin Team Role Inventory concentrates on behaviour in the workplace and is focussed on the role that each individual will play within a team.  It helps team leaders work out who is best at starting something, keeping it going, and finishing it, since it is highly unlikely that one person will be able to do all three roles well.  The result is that people can be assigned to role which suit their aptitude, and thereby increase their effectiveness and reduce their stress.  Go to http://www.belbin.com for a further explanation.

So there are three different tools, each focussing on different aspect of who we are:

• Our core personality (MBTI)
• Our key strengths (Strengthsfinder)
• Our ideal team role (BTRI)

Of course, you don’t always need to go to the trouble of this level of training.  Sitting down and creating some thinking time, perhaps with a trusted friend, and asking yourself whether there might not be a reason why you find a certain situation or person stressful, can lead to more self-awareness.  If only we had the time…..

How do you respond to stress?

One of the reasons people do not always recognise that there is too much stress in their lives, is that they don’t understand their own response to it.  People react in different ways, and knowing how you react is a good way to understand the warning signs.  When I worked in Zambia, I knew that when I spent the evenings going round apologising for how I treated people during the day, it was time to go on holiday.

One of the key determinants in anyone’s response to stress is whether they are introvert or extravert.  Many people don’t know which they are, and sometimes people assume that because they are shy or lacking in social confidence they are introvert, or that if they’re outgoing, they’re extravert.  But that’s not necessarily true.

A quick and easy way to tell your ‘version’ is to ask yourself what you feel like doing at the end of a busy week.  A week you’ve worked late every evening to hit a deadline.  A week when a sick child has kept you up every night.  A week when crisis has followed crisis and you haven’t had time to eat properly.  And now it’s Friday, and it’s all over.  What do you feel like doing?  Getting a few friends together and going out for a meal, or do you want to shut your door and read a book by yourself?

By and large, extraverts want to gather their friends around them, because they recharge their batteries in community.  Introverts would rather be alone, since solitude provides them with the space they need to recuperate.  Neither is right or wrong, they’re just different, and knowing which you are will help you interpret your behaviour when you’re under stress.  It’s particularly important that couples understand each other’s response to stress, since if one wants to talk while the other wants to hide, there can be significant relationship problems.

So if you find yourself locking the door, turning off the phone, and pretending you’re not at home, that could be perfectly normal behaviour for you.  Likewise spending an evening at a café till it closes might be your way of managing the stress.  But if you find yourself doing this every single night, it’s a warning that you’re under more stress than you can reasonably cope with, and that’s when you need to do something about it.

Next month: tools for self-analysis

I wonder what you think when you see the word ‘stress’.  Does it make you tense up?  Do you feel you have already experienced all you need to know about stress?  Does it make you want to stop reading straight away?  If so, you’re probably suffering from too much stress.

Stress is something with which we are all familiar.  It’s part of the territory for missions workers.  We expect to have it.  But we don’t always realise the long-term impact of it in our lives, or know how to unload it.  So I am going to publish a series of articles about stress on this website: what it is, how to recognise it, how to deal with it, where to get help, and what happens if you don’t get help.

Much has been written about stress, and we don’t claim to be the experts.  There are many other websites where you can find experienced counsellors or detailed descriptions of the psychological impact of stress.  Most of the missionaries I meet suffer from some level of stress, often resulting from  over-work, the strain of living in an alien culture, or working in cross-cultural teams that often cause more problems than they bring solutions.  Many of them are ill as a result of stress.  It concerns me, because mismanaged stress can lead to burnout, which is a major cause of dysfunction and attrition in missions workers.

I’m sure we’ve all seen a small vehicle that’s overloaded with too many passengers.  35 people balanced precariously on the back of a Hilux.  You think it’s going to be fine, and perhaps it is at first, but it puts an unseen strain on all sorts of hidden but essential parts like tyres, brakes and suspension.  So it can easily overheat, or struggle to go uphill, or even worse, it will fail to take a corner and end up having a bad accident.

Stress is just like that.  We think we can cope, but underneath, it’s taking its toll on our heart, blood-pressure and brain.  All it takes is one extra demanding event and there’s a breakdown.  So if you’re thinking you’ll be fine, you’re nearly there and nothing’s gone wrong yet, stop right now and throw off a couple of passengers.  Get rid of one or two burdens.  Lighten the load.  It’s better to leave one or two by the side of the road than to have the whole lot crash.  You can always come back and pick them up later if necessary.

It’s important that we talk about this issue.  It’s a personal issue, so I’m not asking for comments on the website, except of a generic nature, but anyone who’d like to discuss their stress is welcome to email me confidentially on tim@syzygy.org.uk.  Alternatively, talk to a friend, a pastor, a colleague.  Talking to someone is the first step in resolving the problem, so do it today.