We have already blogged on several occasions about the people who have been hurt by their own sending church or agency, either by the impersonal approach of its policies “We’re withdrawing your support for you because we have changed our strategy” or by the actions of individuals within it.
Sadly such situations continue to occur and what we haven’t yet consider how people in a church can support their mission workers who are wounded.
First, you will need to pay attention. Most mission workers will not readily spill the beans, partly out of loyalty to their church or agency, and partly for fear that if the truth comes out their supporters will encourage them not to go back. So you’ll need to watch out for signs of stress when they talk about their situation, reticence about their working relationships, or a lack of enthusiasm in their presentations. Dig into this with questions like “what are you going to be doing when you go back?”, “How are you feeling about going back?” and “How do you get on with the people in your team?”
Once you’ve realised that something has gone wrong, encourage them to talk confidentially about it to one of their supporters, or maybe an independent debriefer. Again, they might be reluctant to, but remind them they may need to get things off their chest. Maybe find a retired mission worker they could open up to.
If it’s you who is they are opening up to – be prepared for a torrent of emotion! They may have long pent-up feelings about this which they’ve struggled with for a long time and once they are released they may take a while to settle down. Emotional discharge can be good for the person involved but alarming for you. Once they’ve dealt with the emotion, they might be able to find a practical approach to resolving the situation.
If relationships have completely broken down with someone in their church or agency, offer to act as an intermediary, or to support them in a face-to-face discussion to resolve the situation. That too may take up a lot of your time but having an independent observer present at discussions may calm any potential confrontation. But remember not to take sides! While you may be keen to support your mission worker, staying impartial helps you help them. After all, you’ve probably only heard one half of the truth and they person they are in dispute with may have an entirely different perspective.
And if they have been bullied, abused or manipulated by a leader, have no qualms about helping them whistleblow! Take it up with them at the highest levels you can.
You may like to give them resources that will help them process what’s happened. We particularly like Honourably Wounded and A Tale of Three Kings.
Help them understand how personality traits can often complicate communication, and also language barriers. Even if people speak the same language, they may speak it differently. Some cultures are far more direct at speaking than others, while some will talk in circles to avoid confrontation or giving offence. When they go to a foreign country your mission partners will be helped a lot to understand the culture they’re in – but they might learn nothing about getting on with each of the 22 different nationalities on their team!
And if all of your listening skills and wisdom get you nowhere, don’t give up! Talk directly to the leadership of the church or agency, and bring in an outside arbitrator if necessary in order to resolve the situation.
Your mission partner may well be in a situation which could jeopardise their place with their agency, their missionary calling, and in extreme circumstances even their faith. You might not feel qualified, but you can help them.
